An earwig mooned me.

You heard me. An earwig. mooned. me.

So let's give some background information to this story. I just got my fabulous new house, as you all know. The other night, George, George's dad and Lorrie were visiting, as were Carla and Sean.

The house was a little chaotic so I decided to head to the kitchen to get a drink of water from my beloved waterbottle.

My waterbottle goes everywhere with me. Literally. It's always in my purse. It's one of those fabulous ones from Costco where you push the button on the back of the cover and it opens the little spout for you to drink from. I put it full in my purse and it never leaks! Mine is the pink one *obvs*.

I sat down on the random deck chair in the kitchen. Carla and Sean were on one side of me and George was on the other. I reached into my purse (also a beloved friend) and pulled out my waterbottle.

I pop my waterbottle up to my mouth and go to take a big swig.

OMG???? What is on the spout of my waterbottle?? I think as I feel something on my tongue/lips. I immediately decide it must be a piece of wallpaper that I scraped off the wall, as there are little bits of it everywhere in the kitchen.

I remove the water bottle from my mouth and look down and WHAT DO I SEEEEEE.

THIS BEAST WAS JUST IN MY MOUTH!!!!! AND TOUCHING MY TONGUE!!!!!

You people KNOW how I feel about bugs. Just imagine what I would do if one was in my MOUTH. ALIVE!

This was the point in time that I realized the earwig was mooning me. He was stuck hallway in my waterbottle and halfway out!!!!!! Wahhhhhhh. So this is all occuring in like a few seconds and even though it didn't really make sense why I did this, I spit my mouthful of water all over the floor (in from of George, Carla and Sean). George thinks this is hilarious! Carla is thoughtfully concerned for my wellbeing. 

I didn't know what to dooooooo. I shake the bottle furiously until the stupid thing flies out. Then, I have an awful decision to make.

What do I do with the waterbottle that has been tarnished by an evil beast? Melanie informs me I should throw it out. But I CAN'T. This is like my other half!

I start weighing the pros and cons. On Survivorman, he eats bugs all the time and is like, yum protein! So perhaps the residue from the bug would give me a perk during the day. Also, I don't really know how you wash the tops of those waterbottles aside from just rinsing them.

So, you will all most likely be extremely proud of me to know I decided to spare the life of my waterbottle. I thoroughly (and I mean THOROUGHLY) rinsed out the top. Everytime I go to take a drink, I assume the earwig has been resurrected and will be there once again. Hasn't happened yet, but at least I'm on alert.