Traumatic Event

So I have to tell you all a story about something very traumatic that happened to me this weekend.

Here's how it starts out.

It's the weekend! Horray! I wake up early on Saturday as usual (thanks body for not letting me sleep in yet again). I poke around the house while Scott is still asleep - I think I might have watched infomercials.

I lurk back into the bedroom and sneakily make noises which will hopefully wake Scott up. So I'm kind of sitting on the bed, and I happen to glance up at the top of my dresser (which is tall, and right next to the bed).

There was a glass sitting up there, with cranberry juice residue in it.

I see something in the glass.

What is that?......is that a.............I gasp.......GIANT SPIDERRRRRRR!

This is what this guy looked like (he was BIG).

Now, you brave people that are reading this are probably like Emily, it's just a spider, it's smaller than you. (no really? didn't realize.....)

However, what I was concerned about it is, what route did that spider take to get all the way up my dresser and into the glass. And why did he go in the glass? Can he SMELL the juice residue from that far away? That means he's clever.

So by this point, I have basically decided that he crawled into my bed overnight, and all over me, and went in my mouth on his way to that glass (keep in mind that in order to do this, he basically would've had to leap to the dresser from my bed which is like 10 times his body length. Definitely would not put that past this guy though, once you hear how smart he is).

So obviously I inform Scott he HAS to do something about this right away. So he gets up and starts going down the hall with the glass. I'm pretty sure he'll probably be nice and release it, but then I'm delighted to see him heading for the toilet. Take that spider!

Scott tips the glass upside down. Spidey doesn't move. Spidey knows what's going to happen so he is hanging on for dear spidey life. Scott shakes the glass. Spidey is STILL hanging onto the slippery glass! Scott taps it on the toilet. In he goes!!!! Hahaha. I think it's over. Thank God. A spider can't beat the toilet.

Or can he?

The spider is SO GIANT AND SO STRONG that he starts BEATING the toilet current! He is swimming AGAINST the current and WINNING! I start freaking out and screaming and for some reason plugging my ears.

I watch him battle for his life and FINALLY he goes down. I'm red faced and flustered and can't believe this just happened. But he's gone. He went down the toilet. I flush it again just to make sure he's gone.

Whew. Thank goodness that is over. I better go and get started painting upstairs I thought.

Probably an hour later I'm in the kitchen upstairs and talking to Kelly on the phone. George and Scott are working in the dining room on something. Kelly is going on telling me something about some random pharmacy person I've never met, when I wander over to the kitchen window, which is above the sink.

I glance into the sink and who do I see.........

HE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!! I shriek. I dash into the dining room. George is trying to figure out who or what exactly I'm talking about. Scott appears to be unfazed as he is generally used to my antics. So I'm still on the phone with Kelly, and I'm yelling, BABYYYY DO SOMETHINGGGGG!!!!! He was just sitting there in the sink LURKING like an evil beast!

Some of you may now be thinking, Emily, it's probably not the same one. Spiders can't climb all the way up pipes like that. I thought the same thing, but just to be sure, I said, GEORGE IS IT POSSIBLE HE CLIMBED UP HERE FROM THE SEWER DOWNSTAIRS!?!?!?!

And George, no that's not really possible. So by him saying that, I'm thinking, ok so that means it's physically not possible, because the pipes aren't connected or something. And even if they are, I flushed it TWICE!

So Scott comes over to the sink, and turns the water on and starts chasing Marvin around (we named him of course) with the sprayer. Marvin almost outsmarts us AGAIN is running away from the water stream. Finally, down the drain he goes. Thank GOD. He's gone! He must really be gone now.

I decide to confirm again with George, so it's really not possible for a spider to come up here through the drain? His response "Well they would have to climb up the *insert plumbing lingo* pipes so I would've thought they couldn't but maybe they can".

Soooo, what you're saying is, this might actually be possible.

Outstanding.

30 minutes or so later, Kelly arrives. We work away on our painting in the room and it's looking fabulous (let me tell you, going from elecric blue to creamy beige is a significant transformation). For some reason we wander into the kitchen. I look into the sink for some reason (perhaps my intuition was at work) and GUESS WHO IS BACK TO TERRORIZE ME ONE MORE TIMEEEEEEEE!

How is this happening??? How is he back again??

KELLY DO SOMETHINGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

Thankfully, Kelly was able to keep her wits about her and came up with a plan. Let's SQUISH him.

I'm delighted. YES LET'S SQUISH HIM! But you do it.

So we take one of the tenants' ugly mugs that they left us and Kelly went to work. Unless Marvin is seriously smarter than all humans combined, I don't think he'll be able to piece his 80 pieces of himself back together.

Thank God we're safe! Unfortunately the scars are lasting. Last night, while sitting in bed with Scott and watching a tv show, I of course was SURE there were spiders in the bed and and kept jerking my legs and whipping the covers off to examine the area. Scott didn't mind at all!

"BABY THERE ARE NO SPIDERS IN THE BED!"

"But something touched my leg!"

So that is my dramatic tale of woe. Oh and for those of you who might suggest that it was a different spider, it wasn't. It was Marvin and I know it.

And now I feel like there are spiders on me again......